Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
