Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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