I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
