You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
