But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
