i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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