Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize