Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
