I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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