You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
