Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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