what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
