I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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