weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
