If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
