would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
