My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize