Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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