Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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