At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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