Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
