yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
