good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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