i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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