How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
