dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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