She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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