Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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