My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
ugly people sure do ruin things
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
