This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
