Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
