no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
did i just pee glitter
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