so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
