Sry I called you an 8
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
