Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
