in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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