Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize