Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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