mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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