he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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