I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
