get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
