i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
50% drunk capacity currently
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize