I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
