He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
