My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
my liver is dry heaving
I came so hard my ears popped.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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