You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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