..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
