I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
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