If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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