You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
