I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
