Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
