I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
