Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
