they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
