I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize