Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
