I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
