I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
