I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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