Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
