My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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