Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
