even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
