I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
