i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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