Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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