In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
