I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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