i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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