Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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