Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
