just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
