Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
