fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
