I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize