So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm like, not good at living.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
