You just made me feel so damn special
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
