apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
