I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize