Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
