There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
