can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
