I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
