no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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