that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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