I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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