Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize