I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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