Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize