if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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