I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
