I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My feet surprised me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
