There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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