It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
