After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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