I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
