I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
