So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
