Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
