He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
