The maid of honor just puked.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
